That's how I roll

I enjoy playing Dungeons and Dragons. That's pretty close to the dorkiest thing one can do next to LARPing (For those of you not in the loop, this is Live Action Role Playing, D&D taken to an unecessary level. These people actually dress up as rangers and wizards to roam around in the streets pretending to fight and cast magic.), which I enthusiastically refrain from. Still, I dated two dungeonmasters...not because of that fact of course, I'm not that dorky.
Don't know what D&D is?
It essentially consists of myself and 3-5 other people sitting in a basement for up to 10 hours at a time (though I usually only donate 5) pretending to be a character in a different world. But wait, it's even more complex than you might think. First you have to pick a race, then a class, then roll stats and pick out equipment, then there's all the dice rolls to be made and quests to complete. This may still sound boring to most of you, but winter in Wisconsin doesn't really have a lot to offer one who's perpetually cold.
It gets worse though. I've actually started the creation of my own prestige class and a few of my friends want me to be their dungeonmaster so I can run their first campaign for them. Yeah, I play D&D so much that people are now asking me to teach them to be dorky too. Sometimes I even slip and describe real life in D&D terms. For example, saying phrases like, "Good spot check" and "Dude you totally failed your will save" to my friends elicits strange looks from others.
So, it's not usually a turn-on to tell guys about how you've got to hang out with your friends every Sunday so you can sit in their basement and roll dice to kill evil dragons plaguing Faerun. This may have a little something to do with why I'm single.

The inspiration that started it all...

So, why am I single? Well, let me tell you a little story about my cats...
I was sitting outside on my porch, watching my cat Echo roll around in the driveway while I smoked my cigarette (terrible habit I know, I'm trying to break it, don't judge me). I got to thinking she was getting a little overweight and I hate fat animals. I think it says something about the owner when a cat or dog looks more like one of an overstuffed fur pillow than a quadruped. Anyway, another cat that my sister pawned off on me is quite overweight too (Boots, he's the fatty to the right over there) but I've been at a loss as to how I should go about putting my cats on a diet.
*Side note: I have five cats...5
I had an epiphany. I could buy four more cat carriers and lock them all in there for a half hour during feeding times. That would get them on a schedule and I could regulate how much each of them is consuming. Then I could eventually remove them from the carriers and maybe they'd be conditioned to eat out of their own bowls. I'm not so naive as to think I could just accomplish this without any reinforcement, so to keep the dream alive I would have to watch them and use a spray bottle to keep them in line. Then I thought why not take it a step further...I could eat at the same times, and to keep an eye on them I could have them sit at the table with me during meals.
Then, to my dismay, I realized that I'm turning into a creepy cat lady and I'm only a few steps away from putting them in bonnets and taking them for walks in strollers.
There are other reasons why I'm single, but this one is a good place to start.